Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I looked at my own cervix.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
