We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Randomize