By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
