Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Randomize
