Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
