it wasn't lemon gatorade
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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