On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize
