I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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