Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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