You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
