so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
