Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
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