my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize