If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
