i think my tv is drunk
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
