woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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