Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
