it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize