she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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