My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
