Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
