I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize