There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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