I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
