After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
