FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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