no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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