i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
