Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
