I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
