we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize