I think im going to throw up on grandma
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
