woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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