so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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