I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
