I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
