When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
