i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
