I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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