just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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