is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
