you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize