I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
