I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
we're so committed to being not committed
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
