you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I met the friendliest cop last night
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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