it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
