Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
