idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Randomize
