she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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