if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize