I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
