It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
