something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
