If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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