Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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