you would pick up someone in the library
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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