I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize