My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
