cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
