winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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