you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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