You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
