"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
