I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
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