You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
areolas are like halos for boobs.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
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