She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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