is your mom at the bar?
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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