What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
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