Why does Corona taste like a burp?
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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