omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
