If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
