He uses pillows to masturbate.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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