He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize