Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
