I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
