yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
